The All Orc Campaign Journal
by Flaming Man of Iron
Summary: What happens with a when a group of dumb orcs decides to go adventuring? This is a campaign journal. Character sheets and bios are in chapter 1, go to Chapter 2 for the story.
1. Background Prologue Information

1,274 years ago a green dragon by the name of Vaectorfinyairuxo signed a pact with a tribe of orcs. The orcs saw this as a sign from Gruumsh. He had sent them a dragon to protect them and to aid them in conquest. What other explanation could explain why a powerful dragon would aid a tribe of orcs? The tribes name was officially renamed from Lion's Pounce to The One Eye'd Dragons Claw. The pact was mutually beneficial. The dragon taught the orcs divine worship of dragons, thus the shamans of the tribe began to revere and emulate dragons. With their powers aiding the tribe, raids grew more bold and fearsome. The green dragon also taught the tribe the powers of arcane magic, especially necromancy. In exchange the orcish tribes brought tribute, everything of value was given to the green dragon; especially tomes on necromancy.

This green dragon had a purpose, a fear. He feared death and sought immortality The Green Dragon studied Necromancy actively for over a thousand years. (He also loved orc flesh. Any arcane pupil who failed, and there were many, were consumed)

The tribes leaders were still chosen from the mystical connection to the lion, an ancient tradition. However many thought these traditions were outdated; specifically the Dragon Shamans and those who could wield the powers of necromancy. This caused a perpetual leadership conflict that existed until the tribes' unfortunate downfall.

Two years ago the green dragon Vaectorfinyairuxo achieved his lifelong goal. He became a dracolich. However this wasn't enough. He still realized that if word got out about him that he would be hunted. He could be defeated by powerful heroes. No, any knowledge of his existence must be eliminated. In his paranoia he slaughtered the orcish tribe The One Eye'd Dragon's Claw. He though he killed every single orc. He animated as many corpses he could and flew back to his lair to embrace eternity.

Another event had transpired that night. Three orcs had gathered far away from the tribe to discuss yet again, who was actually in charge of the clan. If not for standing on the holy site of Gruumsh, much bloodshed would have fallen to the ground. As usual no progress was made. When they returned to the tribe they found death. Searching through the bodies they found no survivors. Fearing whoever was powerful enough to kill the entire village the orcs quickly went to leave. On the way out a moan was heard from a pile of bodies. A survivor. Confused because the dragon shaman's aura originally had no effect on the pile of corpses, they helped there comrade to his feet and eventually found out the story of the dragon's betrayal.

In the two years that have past much has changed. The four orcs have traveled together, being pretty stupid their goals are simple. Originally they had intended to throw themselves into battle with the nearest elf village, taking as many elves with them as they could. Then they realized that revenge against this dragon would be the best action. He had betrayed the orcs, and obviously he had betrayed Gruumsh. For was it not Gruumsh who sent the green dragon to them? It was a double insult. But even these orcs knew that such a task was impossible. Impossible, until one day a passing half-orc bard told them the story of a human. This human was capable of defeating dragons. Surely if a human could learn to defeat a dragon, then an orc could learn how too; and faster!

They learned that he wielded powerful magical items and had learned to battle dragons from a young age. If the only thing between the orcs and killing the green dragon was some magical items all they had to do was get some. The dragon shaman under the guise of a half-orc snuck into the human city and using everything he had learned about the civilized race struck up a conversation with the human. Kolt Dragon Slayer he was called. They learned that Kolt had been a professional adventurer all his life, and that he accumulated great amounts of coin and magical gear and that in the realms there is always work for an adventurer. He also mentioned hearing about an adventure in the city of Palischuk.

Thus the four orcs have a new goal. Pretend to be adventurer's, get magical items, kill the dragon who betrayed them. (And keep a track of who is killing more people)

**Current PC's**

**Grutt Halfling Crusader 2**

Before the day the Green Dragon slaughtered the tribe there was just nothing special about Grutt. Stupid, crude, and lacking of any common sense he was destined for levels in NPC class; probably warrior. But that was then. Grutt believes he died that day, the day the dragon came. He awoke changed and often times engages in conversion with Gruumsh outloud. Since that day two years ago he has unbelievable flashes of divine powers that lend great credit to his claim that Gruumsh speaks to him. He tries hard to be the group's diplomat with the civilized races, but with him speaking openly to gruumsh in front of them, he often fails. Grutt wields a great axe but Gruumsh is talking to him about how awesome a spear is, he's thinking of converting. He recently was reincarnated as a female Halfling.

**Statistics**

**Grutt Level 1 Neutral Evil Crusader**  
Strength: 12  
Dexterity: 14  
Constitution: 14  
Intelligence: 8  
Wisdom: 5  
Charisma: 7  
HP: 12  
F5/R3/W-2

Balance: 4 Ranks  
Diplomacy: 4 Ranks  
Intimidate: 4 Ranks

Feat: Extra Granted Maneuver  
Stance: Martial Spirit  
Maneuvers: Stone Bones, Leading the attack, crusaders strike, vanguard strike, douse the flames

Equpiment: mwk battle axe, tower shield, chain shirt, everburning torch.

**Gorm Deatheye Gnoll Barbarian 3**

**Gorm's Childhood**

As a young orc of great strength and therefore the potential of someday being a leader of the tribe, Gorm was made to participate in all the rituals of the ancient orc culture, despite the fact that he may have been both the dumbest and ugliest thing that had ever come out from between a females legs in over a generation (and that's saying a lot). However, the leaders decided to look past this, because they thought he had potential, but more importantly they were desperate to hold onto all of the sons of those that still practiced traditional orc shamanism as opposed to worshiping the dragon. They also believed that stupidity might work in their favor, because the more intelligent and reasonable youth were more likely to follow the dragon.

One of the comming of age ceremonies was a lengthy solo spiritual journey through the mountains. The approximate path of this journey would be laid out by the youngling's spiritual councilor, a wise elder barbarian orc that would have taken the youngling under his tutelage in pre-adolecence. Unfortunately for Gorm, at the time of his departure on his 13th birthday, his councilor became ill (unbeknownst to Gorm) and died a few days after Gorm departed. In fever on his deathbed, the councilor gave the scouts who were in charge of recalling younglings if they failed their spiritual journey (which they invariably did, for the dreams granted by Gruumsh had deserted the tribe) the wrong last known location of Gorm. As a result, the scouts were never able to find Gorm, and he quickly became helplessly lost in the wilderness.

In the wild, Gorm relearned the ancient tricks of survival that had been forgotten by his people after living a relatively plush life (for orcs anyways) under the rule of the dragon. He learned to listen to the beasts (plenty of whom he also was able to kill), becoming wise in the ways of the natural world (just in case you were wondering how an Orc barbarian could have a wisdom of 13). Through his trials, Gorm became injured a variety of times for extremely stupid reasons, scaring his already not so good looking body (in a way that they could not be mistaken for "beautiful" battlescars). After spending 4 years in the wild alone, by chance, Gorm encountered an orc raiding party on the way back from a successful raid, and was able to return to his people.

Due to his lengthy stay in the wild away from compatriots speaking the orc language, Gorm has a difficulty expressing himself in words. His language skills in Orcish is on par with how well an average orc can speak common. Also, he picked up a rank odor (bad even by orc standards) that follows him around in an almost visible cloud. His favorite things are booze, sex (though he's never had a voluntary partner, the concept is in fact foreign to him), and killing. Gorm is quirky in that he enjoys fine dining, which to him is whatever booze he has handy, poured over whatever raw piece of meat he just finished cutting, off of something he just finished killing. He aquired this taste during his solitude when he ambushed a human trapper far outside of normal hunting trails, who was drunk off his ass. In the ensuing, poorly executed surprise, the jug of moonshine the trapper was carrying spilled all over him, moments before Gorm killed him. Feasting upon the booze soaked human flesh was undisputedly the best meal Gorm has ever had, and since then he has tried to replicate the experience.

**Physical Description**

He looks like a Gnoll now, yay reincarnate!~

**History**

Gorm Deatheye's lineage ruled the tribe by birthright. He was born with a spiritual connection to the Lion, just like his father, and his father, dating back for thousands of years. All that which it entails was taken by the dragon. With each year the dragon lorded over them, though their coffers filled, the visions that the cheiftains and elder sages used to guide their tribe gradually became less defined, until in the time of Gorm's sire's time, the visions dissapeared all together. The cause of the loss of this power was never found out, but two trains of thought existed, one was that the close proximity of the dragon's mighty magical energy was disrupting them, or the tribe fell out of favor with Gruumsh. As orcs are not predisposed to philosophical inquiry, (the few times that it is "discussed" it quickly degenerates into a fistfight, at the very least) Gorm isn't really looking for an answer, though he does believe that if his tribe did fall out of favor, the best way to gain it back is by brutally slaying all his enemies, which he wanted to do anyways.

The most important of the visions to depart was the chieftain's recurring vision of his own death. Experienced by only the most elite of the Deatheye's, the vision of one's own death granted the orc with a particular confidence in their relative immortality in all manners occuring before this incident. This confidence and bravado resulting from the dream led almost all cheftains being members of the Deatheye lineage, and those that were not did not remain so for long. For most generations this also resulted in the one to experience the dream to kill the previous chieftain. The same can be said for Gorm who, though he did not experince the dream, claimed to, and murdered the previous chieftain (who by that point in history was mostly a figurehead that did the dragon's bidding), in an attempt to revive the old ways of pure blooded orc greatness. This deciet was not particularly well executed as Gorm is far from an eloquent speaker, but since he was the strongest of the tribe, this warranted the respect of those that respected the old ways. The only faction that gave him any problem were the dragon's necromancers and shamen, but with the death of the majority of his tribe, these power disputes have become less meaningful to Gorm.

Now, with the loss of his tribe and a feeling of helplessness before the might of the magics that decimated it, Gorm must rely on Zuk to (hopefully temprarily) lead the party in the search of magical items to defeat the dragon and take their revenge. Along the way Gorm will take every instance available to demonstrate that he is still mightier (in physical strength at least) than Zuk, though his wisdom tempers his responses for he feels that he needs to keep the survivors of his tribe together, united against their enemies.

**Statistics**

**Gorm Level 3 Neutral Evil Barbarian**  
Strength: 20  
Dexterity: 14  
Constitution: 17  
Intelligence: 6  
Wisdom: 13  
Charisma: 5  
HP: 45 (yes the lucky bastard rolled 12's at level 1,2, and 3)  
F6/R3/W2

Climb: 2 ranks  
Intimidate: 2 ranks  
Jump: 4 ranks  
Survival: 2 ranks  
Listen: 2 ranks

Equipment: Dragonsword  
Chain Shirt  
GP:6  
SP:128  
CP:508

Feat: Power Attack, Improved Bullrush

Note: Replaced fast movement with pounce as per page 46 of complete champion.

**Krunc Orc Dragon Shaman 2**

Krunc originally revered the green dragon like a god. So much so that Gruumsh would probably wipe his blasphemous dragon worshiping face across the planes of existence. That all changed when the dragon betrayed the tribe. Krunc now reveres Gruumsh, but also has adopted many of a dragon's more charming personality traits. Krunc wants power, now and in the afterlife. What better way then by gaining enough power to defeat an immortal dragon, and thus getting back in on good terms with Gruumsh securing a place in the afterlife.

**Krunc's Feeling Book**

The story of Krunc is a long and detailed one, full of whimsical fancies and....ah who am I kidding he was a damned Orc, he liked to smash stuff and have possess lots of girl orcs! Actually besides those two facts not that much is known about Krunc. He did happen to keep many notes about his "feelings", why an Orc would do such a thing is beyond me! He risked getting smashed by his fellow Orcs for writing his "feelings" down, but he did it anyways. So here is the long lost journal of Krunc, the dates of these entries are not known and it is not known if the entries are even linear in their progression. They are were found at the site of the smoldering ruins.

Excerpts form Krunc's "feeling book":

**Excerpt**

"Dear feeling book,

I have been training none stop! Today I was able to hold the aura around me for a couple of hours. It is just like the elders said, 'do not try too hard or think to hard', that seems to always be the advice that elder orcs give...but it worked. I was pretty cool. I noticed that Rollza was checking me out while I trained. She wants me. She is so hott, her skin so pasty green, that greecy hair, I swear I can smell the rotten flesh all over her! Today was a good day!"

**Excerpt**

"Dear feeling book,

Today I met the green dragon! He was sure mighty, he was taking a break from teaching his necromancer students...I mean student...for some reason most of them have disappeared...anyways, it was invigorating to meet him. Such power that dragon has, so mighty! He could bend anyone to his will, he could destroy so many elves! I hate elves! I want that power! I also met his student, this strikingly handsome fellow named Zuk. I'm not a orcosexual or anything, but he was way better looking then most of the ugly brown orcs that are around this town. All I can see in my mind is that ugly Gorm Barbarian. Those red eyes....wow! Zuk and I are going to talk tomorrow. He thinks we are going to talk about Necromancy, but I'm just going to get info about the Green Dragon from him! Good thing I can lie to anyone and get away with it!"

**Exceprt**

"Dear feeling book,

This hunger I have is getting worse...Elder Joid tells me that all Shamen encounter it at some point...he told me it is best to ignore it and find a way to control it so that I can become a master of myself...but I just can't seem to control it. I find it overwhelms me...I do not know what it even is. I just find myself envious of those around me who are more powerful then me, and angry at them for knowing more then me. THEIR POWER SHOULD BE MINE! There it goes again! I can't control it... I have confided in Zuk about it, he says it is a fear of dying...he seems more consumed with the fear of dying then I am. We were meeting secretly today to discuss the state of the tribe. We both agree that the old ways are no longer worth it and that holding back our potiential for killing elves and humans. He has become my ally...dare I say friend in the war against the old ways of the tribe. The only thing we don't agree on is Gruumsh, he seems to think that Gruumsh might not even exist! I do not argue with him, he is a skilled wordsmith and can defeat my arguments for existance of Gruumsh. Hopuflly Gruumsh will send some elves for us to kill, then Zuk will believe again. Zuk always points out that crazy orc who talks to Gruumsh all day long, and Zuk says 'You don't want to be like him now do you!' In our conversation today Zuk said that he has a solution to my problem, somthing that will make me more powerful then I have ever been. We are meeting to discuss about it...i'm not sure what I will have to do to get this power he speaks of, but what ever is I will do it. I want to be more powerful and will pay any cost to get it!"

**Excerpt**

"Dear feeling book,

Tomorrow I will be traveling with several of the so called young leaders of the Tribe to discuss who will take power. I should just slaughter them now and take the power, but I am afraid that the Gorm fellow is too powerful right now, he would certainly crush my skull in with his great axe. Zuk says that we could team up and kill him, but I do not entirely trust Zuk in this matter, he could easily betray me after we kill Gorm. Anyways, it won't matter, I am certanly the most popular of the young leaders in the tribe right now, becoming leader will just be a matter of convincing the others that I am the only one who could lead. I tried to get the Green Dragon to settle matters...but he hasn't been around recently, he is up to something. This makes me angry, I have tried to emulate him in every way, I have even given up studying with Joid because Joid says that I have become increasingly detacted...ever since Zuk gave me my power I have felt less pity towards the orcs in this town and even my old teacher and his weakling ways. Joid once told me that life is more then power, that is a fools saying! I called him a elf lover and left.

I still feel the hunger but am better at controlling it and have even been able to use it to my advantage to turn the people away from the old ways. I don't really care about the people, but they can help me become leader, which is all I need...the power that it would give me would be amazing. It also would help me score some orc chicks! Zuk has taught me all his many ways of getting orc chicks, and for that matter any type of chick, he sure is a master of girls!"

**statistics**

**Krunc Level 3 Neutral Evil Dragon Shaman**  
Strength: 19  
Dexterity: 6  
Constitution: 17  
Intelligence: 11  
Wisdom: 7  
Charisma: 14  
HP:23  
F5/R-2/W1

Bluff: 6 Ranks  
Knowledge (Nature): 6 Ranks

Feat: Tomb Tainted, Skill Focus (Bluff), Improved Initiative

Auras: Vigor, Senses, Presence

Equipment: Studded Leather, Morning star  
CP:500  
SP:132  
GP:161

**Zuk Corpsecrafter Orc Dread Necromancer 3**

**Personality**

A natural leader, with his keen intellect and persuasive personality the other orcs tended to heed his words. However he knows himself to be almost completely unaware of the nuances of social interactions and has a complete inability to read people. Because of this he often times relies on Krunc and Gorm to assist him. Has a general dislike for Grutt as his abilities stem from an unknown source and Zuk is reluctant to admit that Gruumsh actually speaks to Grutt. However he knows that for the mission to be successful that each one of them will play a vital role. If one should fall in battle there are ways of bringing someone back to life. Usually an orc views the life of allies as an expendable resource, however with only four of them left each one of them is vital to the mission at hand. Death will only be a minor setback; nothing will stop their mission. Zuk knows that for them to continue following him, he must project the illusion that his goals are aligned with the goals of the other three. His obsession with avoiding the afterlife is paramount to everything he does.

**Background**

Zuk was born from common birth in the tribe. An unknown warrior bred with one of the ugliest orcs in the tribe. Six month's later Zuk was born. At an early age it was noticed that he was more personable and attractive than most orcs and when the tribes powerful and evil dread necromancer died, seven were selected from the males in the tribe to become apprentices to the green dragon. None wanted this role as it was well known that 6 of the 7 would be consumed well before the 12th birthday.

Life was tough in the cave; those who could not muster the innate power required to master the necromantic arts were eaten. Four were eaten the first year, one the second, and since there could only be one, to determine which one would live a battle to the death was conducted with the dragon eating the loser. Zuk won handily due to the poison he slipped into the orc's food earlier that day. Sure Zuk believes he could have won easily fairly but since when do orcs act fairly? The Green Dragon was a fanatic about the afterlife and was on the verge of achieving immortality while Zuk was there. The Dragon rarely actually taught them anything, instead he expected them to learn themselves by reading tomes. Occasionally when the dragon was feeling in a good mood he would aid their learing and inspire them to greatness. The best way to harness the powers of the undead was to become undead he would often say. The path is slow, and because of your orcish handicap probably impossible. At the dragon's request he forced them all to become proficient with a scythe, he would often tell them that it is a fitting weapon for a necromancer. No one has any idea why he thought it was a fitting weapon, but none of them ever dared ask.

He had irregular contact with his tribe while growing up. As most wizards he rarely exercises and is quite weak physically. However he is naturally strong which is due to his mother's father who was an exceptionally strong warrior. Most in the tribe feared him, not knowing what he was capable of. The previous necromancer was capable of killing people with a mere touch and summoning undead to do his bidding. Even the tribe's leader feared him. Zuk believed that he was a more capable leader and it was time that the one with the true power run the tribe. Unfortunately the night that he believed he would assume the role of tribal leader the green dragon decimated the tribe killing all before flying off to his cave.

In the two years after Zuk's tribe was destroyed has allowed him to contemplate. He knows that by himself he is a single weak orc. He also knows that his desire to be the tribes leader was foolish and shortsighted. What he really desires is to raise a massive undead army, achieve immortality, and wage war against anyone he wants for all eternity. Ruling a tribe of orcs is dangerous and unpredictable. Ruling over the undead was simple. He follows his comrades to seek revenge merely to gain power and understanding of what it means to become undead. He will run if things turn bad, but will easily charge into battle; it is in his blood. However he has noticed in the past year or so that when the four of them do battle that they have developed an unusually powerful synergy. He truly believes that if anyone will be able to kill a dracolich, it is the four of them. Even though he does not care about revenge, he does have one reason to meet the dragon...a question: Why is a scythe a fitting weapon for a necromancer?

**Statistics**

**Zuk Level 3 Neutral Evil Dread Necromancer**  
Strength: 18  
Dexterity: 11  
Constitution: 9  
Intelligence: 14  
Wisdom: 4  
Charisma: 15

**HP:** 11  
**Saves:** F0/R1/W0

**Skill Ranks:**  
Concentration: 4 ranks  
Disguise: 2 ranks  
Knowledge (Arcana): 4 ranks  
Knowledge (Religion): 5 ranks  
Knowledge (Local): 1 rank  
Use Magic Device: 3 ranks  
Spellcraft: 1 rank

**Feat: **Tomb Tainted, Martial Study (Stone Bones)  
**Class Abilities:**  
Martial Weapon Selected: Scythe  
Charnel Touch  
Rebuke Undead  
Lich Body DR 2/Bludgeoning and Magic  
Negative Energy Burst 1/day

**Equipment of Note:** Master Work Scythe, Studded Leather


	2. The Beginning!

**Session I: 14th of Nightal, 1374 DR**

Having heard rumors of adventure near the ruined keep of Palischuk from Kolt Dragon Slayer, what remained of the One Eye'd Dragon's Claw Clan set off in search of their fortune hoping that it would bring them one step close to getting the magical items necessary to combat the fearsome dracolich.

The game started as we approached the ruined keep of Palischuk. We happened to know that this aged fortress is host to a small city of half-orcs. Persecuted and driven from their lands, these half breeds haphazardly rebuilt what was left of the keep and turned it into their home.

As we approached the gates a pair of half-orc guards immediately were on guard. They looked scared, Zuk thought this was good. They were already showing us respect. At first negotiations to allow us to enter did not fair that well. Especially with the crusader hinting at fighting our way through and me agreeing with them that orcs are evil by nature. However Krunc, the dragon shaman, convinced the guards that we were all half-orcs adventures. Although we may look like orcs, he says, we actually are from far to the south and west and man, you should see what the full bloodied orcs look like. The stupid half-orc guards believe Krunc and allow us to enter. We believe they fell for it because of their human blood, real orcs would never have believed those lies.

Walking through the twisting halls of the rebuilt fortress we happened upon a door with a roughly fashioned tankard situated above it. The door was heavy and made of a good thick wood. I reasoned that it must be the tavern. Setting the tone for the adventure I decided to kick the door down. Rolling a 19 +4 I easily shatter the DC 20 strength check needed and I turn the door into firewood. Needless to say the local patrons were terrified. Some ran for cover while others grabbed tankards and chairs, ready to fight for their very lives. Krunc calmed everyone down and soothed them with promise of free beer. I attempted to woo a female half-orc, that didn't turn out terribly well. She ran off screaming, must be the huge scythe I'm hefting around. Eventually Krunc was able to win over the tavern's bartender. Strangely the half-orc's here don't seem to all understand the beautiful orcish language.

The bartender explained that the "adventure" that we had heard was referring to a local cave commonly known as Gorgoldand's Gauntlet. rumor had it that a dragon had constructed this dungeon of sorts to test local adventurers. Those that braved the perils of the Gauntlet were said to be rewarded with great treasures. The barkeep also mentioned that maps and directions to the cave were openly distributed in the are and although no one knew where they came from, most shopkeepers and townsfolk that deal with adventueres had a copy or two in store should anyone be interested.

I immediately went off in search of the map, eager to get it before any of my brethren. Unfortunately my idea of asking random people in the keep did not go well. Apparently speaking orcish here is frowned upon.

Krunc oh so smart reasoned that adventurers must like beer too and, as his comrades wandered off, he requested a copy of the map from the man who had, not moments earlier, served them their drinks. As fate would have it he returned not moments later with a sheet of parchment detailing the path to Gorgoldand's Gauntlet. The adventure was afoot! We would leave at sunset!

**April 5, 2009**

**Session II: 14th of Nightal, 1374 DR**  
We left after dusk. The glare from the snow hurt our eyes and we are creatures of the night. It took us about two hours to arrive at the location depicted on the map. It was a cliff overlooking a river of some sort. I made little notice to what looked like a piton sticking at the ledge of the cliff. The map indicated that the entrance to the cave was located sixty feet beneath us. Great and we didn't bring shovels. Little did I know that this was just one of the many mental challenges we were going to face this night. It seems that fate had put us up against a dungeon not suited to our strong points; and by fate I mean our DM.

I suggested to the group that Grutt run back to the village to acquire some shovels. Of course even this discussion turned into an argument. Once I was feared and respected, now even lowly Grutt ignores my commands. Unfortunately I needed them. As the others argued I made my way over to the cliff's edge and looked out into the world. Against my better judgment I looked down, only to spot a ledge about sixty feet below us and what appeared to be a cave's opening. What are the chances of two cave openings I wondered? What could possibly be in the second cave… Then I figured it out! Happily I told my comrades that we would not be having to dig at all, I Zuk the smartest orc had solved our problem. We just needed to climb down the cliff and we would be rewarded soon enough with magical items!

As I began to lead the way down the cliff, Gorm pulled out a rope and began tying it to the piton a couple of feet away from the ledge. Sometimes I just miss the obvious. I allow Gorm to descend first. He is the strongest of we who are left, I have seen him cut through a bear in one swing with his axe. As if somehow his blade is not deterred by mere pounds of thick hide, skin, bones, and muscle. Gorm doesn't talk much, I often am amazed that an orc could be so stupid, but Gorm has a way about him, he often times catches the things that all of us miss. Since the time our tribe was decimated I offer him a grudging of respect. I am second down the rope, behind me is Krunc our shaman and finally Grutt. Grutt has for some reason been blessed by Gruumsh. We cannot deny that. He can do things I have never seen, and he has learned to do them without any training of any kind. He is also all sorts of stupid, and if we have a plan of any kind it takes us a while to explain to Grutt that he is not allowed to do anything; and yes that means talking to Gruumsh.

Down on the ledge I pull up the winter clothing. I am cold often in the north. I get out of breath easily. I get sick often, but I take this as a necessary condition to what I study; death. If the green dragon taught me anything it was to embrace the calling. I have twisted my very soul to embrace the dark arts, and I will twist any soul I can get a hold of. The fool shaman of ours agreed that his soul was a small price to pay for power. I just have to convince Gorm and Grutt that the benefits of embraces the darkness outweigh the cons. My dark touch, the bane of all that is living, strengthens me and any who give themselves over to me.

The cave's entrance is very narrow at most five feet wide. Gorm and Grutt lead the way I follow behind me is Krunc. I mention that maybe we should try to move quieter. I get loud laughter that echo's down the cave. Orcs don't sneak! How else do we scare our prey if they don't know we are even there. We move another twenty feet down the hall. Laughter is still ringing out when suddenly a spider or something swings down from above. Grutt quickly moves into position already muttering to Gruumsh. Gorm swings his axe and connects with the beast midfall. When the axe hits home the creature burst apart spreading some kind of dust explosions that engulfs both of them. Grutt quickly makes his way out coughing a bit. Gorm stumbles out hacking and coughing for minutes barely able to catch his breath. While we help him up I hear the distinct sound of laughter. Fury wells up inside me. Something is gonna die today.

Gorm eventually tells us he's alright, although I've never seen him look so weak. (He took 10 points of constitution damage) The narrow hallway continues until we find a rope hanging from the ceiling. Dangling from above is a thin rope, ending in a loose lasso made from hair along the ground. The words "Put FUT HEER" have been scrawled in chalk in the middle of the open lasso. We deduce that one of us should stomp our feet into the lass, while the other three pummel the crap out of whoever comes at us. Grutt after discussing this strategy with Gruumsh agrees. He eagerly stomps his foot down but nothing happens. Feeling slightly ripped off he jerks the rope down and it easily falls to the ground. I inform the group that since I'm the smartest orc here that I should be in the front. There Is no argument; good. I squeeze past Grutt and suddenly I'm plummeting through the ground and land in some kind of pit with itchy plants. I stand up healing myself with my own dark powers and look around. I missed the largest of the spikes, thankfully, and am surrounded by these strange vegetation. My skin itches. Poison Ivy.

I climb out of the pit as small javelins fly by, narrowly missing me. I stand up glaring at the small creatures I see in the tunnel ahead. They are barely larger than small dogs. This will be easy and fun. I begin to charge at them menacingly waving my scythe. I dislike the look of confidence in their eyes. They run and leap down a huge gaping chasm in an open room. I suddenly am halted from my full sprint by thousands of tiny fishing hooks that have ripped into my skin. Angerly I heal myself as I watch the last of the laughing gremlins leap below my sight. Meanwhile my comrades catch up to me. Laughing and jeering at me I yell at them to cut me down. Grutt actually pushes me causing me more pain. Eventually I realize I'm not going to get any help so I just rip the trap down and rip out all the hooks. Healing myself up with a touch I shout angrily to kill those tiny bastards.

The chasm is easily climbed down, Grutt and Gorm climb down to a river separating the chasm. Suddenly bursting out from beneath the waves is a nine foot tall aquatic ogre. He immediately thrusts out his spear at Gorm who parries the spear and lands a solid blow heaving through the creatures leg and ripping out large chunks of flesh. Grutt solidly lands his axe in the ogre's back, surprise written across his face. He looks up at me and the last thing he see's is my falling body and scythe splitting open his neck like a pez dispencer. Grutt glares angrily, he dislikes it when a mere wizard gets a kill. Ahh, but now I get to feast on the creatures blood which I drink readily. I look around… no sign of the gremlins.

We climb our way up the other side of the chasm and we see another hallway. This hallway quickly opens up to another room, this one strangely having an 8 foot tall wall directly across the center. I am now on trap guard, armed with the giant ogre's spear which I use to poke everything at this point. I poke the wall... nothing. Grutt suddenly leaps up the wall climbing it in one swift lunge and scales to the top standing. I hear him scream in orcish, "Fair comrades, I see a door with which a good solid smashing is in order" This is our que to try to climb the walls and save him from his own destruction. We leap up to the top of the wall, Grutt is half way to the door when suddenly from beneath us and the wooden platform that we are standing on bolts two huge cockroach looking things (rust monsters). With no knowledge of such creatures we all charge forth. If there is one thing I know about creatures, is that they usually die when metal is sliced into their body parts.

I quickly yell out in orcish to Grutt, "Grutt, you must delay your innitial desires of smashing in that wonderful wooden door for reasons of the present immident destruction of your physical form; for directly behind you are two unknown assailants that appear to desire nothing more than to send your soul to Gruumsh this very moment in time" The wonderful thing about orcish, as compared to a barbaric tongue like common, is that a sentence like that can easily be said in about three seconds. A rough translation to common would be something like, "Grutt stop now, skull smash time or Grutt dead"

Grutt turns around just in time to dodge one of the monsters waving some kind of weird antennea at him, he somehow manages to continue to dodge the second creatures as well. Are these tickling monsters? Grutt lands a solid blow into the first things head, followed quickly by Gorms axe as well. Both weapons immiediatly fall to rust but I don't think about this now. I have my own problems. The creatures are fast and I strangly cannot seem to land a blow on him. With only one left remaining Gorm yells a quick warning "My bretheren, it seems that these foul beast have the innate ability to utterly destroy metal with a touch, we must save our weapons for future battle I implore you to cast aside your weapons and do battle with the might that Gruumsh gave us" I realize he is speaking truth and throw my scythe over the wall. My evil touch heals me, but to all other living creatures nothing but pain is felt. Gorm has pinned the foul creature sacrificing his own armor to smash the thing's head repeatedly into the floor until it has lost consciousness. I make sure it never wakes up. We stand around in amazement deducing that my scythe would now be best wielded by Gorm. Suddenly I realize... no one has smashed in the door. I charge past them.

Funny the things you do notice, when you don't have enough time to notice them. Apparently there was some kind of words or a riddle on the door, with some kind of combination to unlock it. By the time I reach the door rolling a 19 on my strength check (+4) I have figured out my own unlocking mechanism. I will never know what message that door had. I'm surprised I even remember.

Stairs, ascending. Each step with a word written on it. I'm one of two people who can read and write and thus I announce I will serve as translator and trap finder! I happily read each step as I land on it. My giant spear poking the step in front of me. IT, step, Seems, BAM! My giant spear vanishes in a huge fiery flash. I'm left holding air. The third stair step completely disintegrated my spear. What kind of hell is this place. I take a reading at the rest of the words from where I stand. "It seems every second or third time I step away fate is there, without a doubt, to trap my course." Well from this riddle it seems that every second or third step is trapped. From here on up I use a coin on each step, strangely it's always the third step that's trapped and we manage to get through without losing any coins or orcs.

too be continued... (last time I tried to write it all in one sitting It got deleted.

**April 5th, 2009 cont.**

I'm winded by the time we hit the top of the stairs. I try not to show it, luckily we all gasp in amazement at our reward. There are free weapons on the walls! I cast detect magic and they are all magical. Man this adventuring stuff is easy. A couple more of these and that dracolich is gonna get his ass pounded in. We start taking the weapons off the wall, a falchion a pair of saingham, and a spiked metal gauntlet. Gorm is swinging around his falchion. Krunc is trying to figure out what the sangham's are. Grutt is wearing the right handed spiked metal gauntlet. I notice that under the weapons there is some writing in common on the plaques they were mounted in. About this time Grutt asks me what the gauntlet does.

I tell him that it is a gauntlet of stupidity. I act confused and wonder aloud why it's not having any affect on poor Grutt. About this time Gorm notices a door on the north wall. Krunc says maybe there are more magical items through the door. We all like this idea a lot. I tell Grutt to go knock on the door with his magical gauntlet. He struts over to the door, and like a pompous human knocks loudly three times.

"Not without the password you don't, What's the password?", a voice emanates from the door. Grutt jumps back and we all laugh at him for being scared of a door. I suggest maybe the password is for the dragon who created this dungeon and maybe we aren't suppose to continue pass this point. Gorm points at the writing I was looking at earlier and asks me what it says. I glance at the writing again and read aloud each one translating it into orcish for everyone's convenience:

Under the siangham it says: "PA'S HAND WEAPONS, GUTSTICKERS."  
under the spiked gauntlet it says: "PA'S GAUNTLET, FIST OF PAIN"  
under the falchion it says: "PA'S SWORD, ISLET'S LAUGHTER"

Gorm announces that obviously these are clues to a password. He does appear to be right. We spend 3 hours and 40 minutes trying to deduce what the password could be. Finally Krunc suggest that maybe the password would be easier to figure out if we look at them as words spelled in common instead of orcish. Then he points out at the plaque. "It's not PA'S SWORD" it's Password! the password is lets Laughter! We run eagerly to the door and announce that the password is lets laughter. Nothing happens.. Twenty minutes go by before I suggest we all laugh around the door.

That's how we found ourselves laughing around a door for five minutes to no avail. Frustrated and angry at this stupid door I began to get disgruntled when Grutt started conversing with Gruumsh.

"You call yourself orcs, what kind of an orc see's the word lets laughter. Gruumsh thinks maybe you have too much human blood running through your veins, as the PASSWORD IS LET SLAUGHTER"

We stand amazed as the door swings open. Grutt the idiot figured out this mental riddle. Either that or he really IS talking to Gruumsh. Neither option is very realistic and I try not to think about it. Instead we press on through the room into another room. Four skeletons line the back wall standing in front of a mirror. The mirror shows us the room we're in, with us in it. Except the entire room is covered in treasure. Grutt rushes forward as if he is going to attack his mirror image. A skeleton moves to intercept him and a short battle rages on. His gauntlet bust through the skeletons head sending a shower of splintered wood against the mirror. Wood? That's not the only weird thing, none of the skeletons have eye sockets, just smooth bone. Regardless we dispatch these weakling fake skeletons with ease. Grutt goes to attack his mirror image again.... We wait for him to figure it out for himself... it's just easier that way.

Above the mirror is a plaque with the words: "TIRIANISPORITIUS" I pronounce the word slowly in common unsure of what the word means. Gorm asks me for a translation. I tell him that I don't know what the word means. He asks me if I can try to say it in orcish. I say that I can't because it's very difficult to pronounce the common letter I. (Which is why when we speak common we almost always say something like: Me Smash or me want your wyfe and baby). He suggest that I just don't say the I's. Transport Us, suddenly we find ourselves surrounded my gold.

Oh those first few seconds will live in memory forever. I notice a pile of tomes and run over gleefully. Grutt runs over to a small pile and starts scooping the gold coins into his backpack. Gorm runs over to a gleeming sword with a golden dragon hilt. Krunc seemingly leaps into a pile of coins and swims through them as if they were a mere liquid. But all that joy was about to be momentarily taken from us.... the pile of coins quickly formed into a large dragon shaped mass. Dumbfounded we stared at the creature.

Rearing it's head back and with a loud roar it suddenly blasts out a large quantity of coins and gems pelting Krunc and Grutt. Time slows down, I pull out my Scythe and charge from one side as Gorm charges from another. We time our charge to perfection arriving at the same time. He couldn't possibly have dodged both of us, he didn't even dodge either of us. Scythe and Falchion send a shower of coins through the room. Grutt pulls out his spear covered in runes to Gruumsh and yelling a war cry hurls himself at the coin dragon, his spear slams into the creatures head. I barely notice that his broken nose realigns itself and his swollen eye, is perfectly fine. _SLAM_, never look at Grutt during battle I scold myself, the dragon's tail hammers into my arm. It might be broken, but Orcs don't feel pain like the lesser races do. Krunc arrives smashing the creature with his morning star ripping through one of it's legs, which scatter across the floor and fall as coins. I notice that the coins scattered across the room are rolling towards the dragon and already a leg is reforming. The dragon isn't the only one who can heal in seconds; I feel my self healing already, Krunc wields a divine power he claims comes from the dragons themselves this power gifts his allies with super fast healing. I slam my scythe again into the creature quickly followed by Gorms Falchion swing. Suddenly whatever magic held the creature together failed. All the coins in the room fell to the ground. In the middle of the pile was the sword with the golden dragon hilt. They all look to me to tell them if it's one of the magic items we seek. I confirm it is.

The argument of who gets the sword took twenty minutes. Eventually Grutt backed down to his superior and Gorm picked the sword up. He smiled an evil smile before we all began to scoop up our rewards. We took as much as we could fit into our backs. (Which was everything) Most of it was copper coins though.

We sing on our way out, the songs of our fathers, of our clan. At the chasm we stop for a while, trying to convince the little gremlins to come out. Unfortunately they ignore us and we'll never get the pleasure of killing the little bastards. Anger rises in me that we would have to leave them to live. We step outside into the starry night. Immediately we are assaulted; an ambush.

Blocked by the narrow tunnel there is nothing those behind Krunc can do until he moves. Waiting outside is a man and a half orc. The human actually tries to hit krunc with his bare fist. Krunc takes the blow with a smile dodging to the side the great sword from the half orc. Krunc takes another blow as he runs by the human giving us room to escape. Behind him we all follow out, I turn the corner and see a dwarf and a female with a bow and crossbow in their hands. Me and Gorm charge the female, the terror she must have felt when Gorms magical longsword, wielded in two hands sliced her open like a boar on Guts day. A bolt slams into my lung, I feel blood filling up inside me and I almost topple over. But somehow I stay on my feet, ripping the bolt out of my chest. I scream at the dwarf, to his surprise, in dwarvish, "WHAT KIND OF DWARF USES A CROSSBOW YOU *****!"

I feel the wound close up and secure in myself to not fall over I charge at the dwarf fully intending to sever his head and use it as a bowl for months. He nimbly leaps to the right dodging my swing. Gorm catches him with his sword, slicing through his entire body cleanly. The dwarf is dead before his body crumpled to the ground. (29 points of damage, record for the campaign). I look back and see that the monk has been slaughtered and the half-orc running for his life. I rip the dwarf's hands off his crossbow and attempt to hit the fleeing coward, but in the cold night I miss wide left.

We instantly search the bodies for valuables. I find a blue potion on the dwarf. We then agree that we can follow his bleeding, footsteps through the snow. We begin the chase. Running for miles we eventually catch up to him, holed out in a tree. He attempts to reason with us. Instead we feasted that night on delicious raw half-orc flesh.

Going back to the half-orc city we spread the news that we were victorious. Buy lots of alcohol and new equipment and we rest for several days. (So Gorm could get his constitution back from 5 to 15). Unfortunately the magical falchion and the gauntlet and the siangham dissapeared the moment we left the cave. This adventure was a bust, only one magical weapon and we don't even know what it does. We attempt to find out if their are any half-orc wizards in this town who can identify the sword. I'm met with vacant stares. What?!?! I thought half-orcs were suppose to be 'smarter' than regular orcs.  
Ding Level 2


	3. Escape from Palischuk

Well for the five days we rest, we do what most adventurers do in a city. I had a couple of masterwork daggers, some gems, and a potion of cure light wounds that I had to sell. What I wanted was a masterwork scythe. I walk through a doorway of the blacksmith. Lucky there was no door, otherwise I would have been a bustin it down. I am greeted with a half-orc who is all dressed up fancy like an elf. I ask him how much he would be willing to give me for these two masterwork daggers. After sizing me up he informs me that he would be willing to give me 125 gold pieces for the daggers.  
I stare at him for a second. I blurt out incredulously "GOLD PIECES??!" Wow a sucker is born every minute. Who would pay gold for daggers. I try to calm my emotions and act like it's cool. I pretend to think about it and quickly tell him he has a deal. Wow, for daggers haha sucker. Next up I sell those worthless gems for some more gold pieces and finally the potion of cure light wounds. Then I ask him if he could make me a masterwork scythe. Of course he can, he says he has a dwarf in a nearby settlement that makes all his weapons. I say "Good Sir, since it is a dwarf making this weapon I fear that it will be inferior make. I'd like a discount" We eventually agree that in exchange for my scythe and 300 gold pieces in five days I'll have a masterwork scythe.

We're told Gorm needs complete bed rest for five days in order to recover his constitution. So we end up tying him to the bed so that he can't get out. Krunc buys a great axe now that he's a mountain orc he's suddenly proficient in it. Oh did I mention we're all mountain orcs now (Races of Faerun). Anyway on the fifth day we all go to the bar, except Gorm who we won't untie and proceed to try to kick in the door. But the bartender reinforced it. Krunc slams into the door ripping and bending the metal and jamming the door in the path. We look at each other, "How do we open this thing???" Suddenly we hear Gorm screaming from back in the room as he rips the bed apart trying to free himself. To escape his wrath Grutt and I take off. I find myself at the smith and get my scythe. It's nice, and it has orcish writing all over it. I say elegantly, "litchiinnn"  
On my way back to the bar I notice Grutt surrounded by a crowd of half orcs. Some of them yelling to get the guards. Grutt is loudly praying to Gruumsh and asking everyone to join in. The mob is turning hostile. crap, I need to get Krunc and Gorm and calm this mob down. I take off to the bar. I hear Grutt yell out in the background, "How dare you call me a filthy orc you half-orc hoes! I'LL DESTROY YOU" Sprinting to the bar I knock over a couple of people and bust in kicking what's left of the door to the side; I see Krunc and Gorm are paying the bartender for something. I yell out "Brethren! Grutt is in need of assistance, I fear that our time in this city might be coming to an end" We run up to the floor above and run down a hallway. We quickly pull out our weapons and bolt to where I last saw Grutt.  
The scene is embarrassing for Grutt. He's laying on the ground swinging his greatsword. His struggles are stopped as the two remaining guards slam there Dire Flails into Grutt. Wow grutt let them kill him great. REVENGE We all scream and charge the two half-orcs who can only stare in awe as we slice through them like butter. It's possible one of them might have tripped me but the events were very hazy. We notice Grutt's body healing under Krunc's aura and he is picked up and placed on Gorm's shoulder. I'm told to grab his great sword which is lying on the ground next to a dire flail. Since I know it'll **** Grutt off I instead grab him a heavy flail. We start running down the hallways in this old keep kicking doors in left and right.

More guards come pouring out and we easily start taking them down as well. Suddenly a huge monster of some sort burst out a golem? And a smallish half-orc wizard… wait a second. Hey I was looking for a half-orc wizard like five days ago wtf!? Well he waves his hands around and the next thing I know Gorm is laying down taking a nap. We're trapped in this dead end. Behind us a door is barred shut with a small slot showing a half-orc guard smiling like an idiot at us. Ahead of us is a huge golem, his wizard pal, and several more guards. Quickly I summon Jakob and place him on the otherside of the door which he opens for us! I tell Jakob to go kill the golem. We grab Gorm and drag him down the hallway as our skeleton savior keeps the rest of them at bay. Which he does for all of six seconds before he's turned into kindling by the golem. We start booking it down the stairs onto the bottom level. We begin to run out when we see the bar we were at earlier. I yell at Krunc to quickly go and get our quest from the bar, that's where adventurers get them!  
Krunc runs into the bar, I smash down the door across the hall from the bar. Inside are casks of beer. OH sweet! We hear the bartender from inside start screaming at us. Quickly Gorm, Grutt, and I pick up a cask and heft it on our backs and book it. Behind us is Krunc carrying a man's body. "I got our adventure" He yells as we run out of town. The guards only look at us with curiosity as we run by. Some of them try to get in our way, we run them over. Something tells me that we might not be allowed there ever again. I do know this, someday I'm gonna come and kill that golem thing. We run for about 2 miles before setting camp. We open a cask, make a fire, tie up our adventure, and begin drinking as we wait for him to wake up. Grutt says, "They called me a filthy orc, what was I suppose to do?"


	4. The Hiccup

So we're sitting around a fire that Gorm had built, and we've just started to drink. Finally our adventure wakes up. Grutt starts talking to Gruumsh immediately . Then says "let's just kill him and take his map where the adventure is." I look at Grutt like he's an idiot. "How do you even know he has a map.. shh he's waking up"

I look at him; he's a pretty strong looking half-orc. He shakes his head and gazes around. "Where am I" he asks us. Krunc pokes him with his axe. "You mentioned something about an adventure. You must tell us where it's at." The half-orc spits at him, suddenly gathering his wits. "You damn dirty orcs! Why should I tell you anything?" I tell him that his only chance for life is if he tells us. The DM tells me to make a bluff check. I say I'm not bluffing. Then he tells me to make an intimidate check, I roll a 1. Very scary! Rawr!

He spits at me, I'd rather die than tell you monsters anything. Grutt charges at him axe held high over his head. I tackle him and hold him. Gorm says "tell us or we'll eat you!" The half-orc finds more saliva to shoot at Gorm, the dude must have weapon focus: spit because he is very accurate. "You orcs are a pansy and wussy race, Gruumsh would spit on you if he could." I let Grutt go and I pull out my scythe. Gorm makes a last effort to tackle Grutt. He tells Grutt if we kill him we won't have an adventure. Now Gorm is pinning grutt to the ground. I hate this guy, I'm going to kill him no matter what. There are lots of adventures, we don't need this one. I slowly move into position to deliver the Coup de Grâce. Krunc speaks very calmly, "you don't want us to kill you do you? All we want to know is where the adventure is, if you tell us I give you my word that I will free you. I'll even give you 10 gold pieces for your trouble. You tell us, and by Gruumsh you'll probably never see us again." (Bluff = 27 or something high)

The half-orc looks up and Krunc, trustingly. "Alright he says, on your word you'll let me go. Let me go first so that I can get a safe distance away and then I'll yell the adventure to you." This all sounds like a good idea to us and we're about to let him loose when Grutt says, let's remove one of his legs first, that way he can't betray us. I look at Grutt in amazement, that is such a good idea! We all nod in agreement that this is a good idea and Gorm begins to pull out his axe when the half-orc says quickly. "Guys guys, I'm joking I trust you, I'll tell you where the adventure is and you can let me go from here. {he clears his throat} About two weeks ago myself and several companions, a human wizard, a dwarf fighter, and myself went to investigate a region that has been taken over by Orcs. We were instantly slaughtered; I myself was the only one who was able to escape. I can show you where it's at! I have the map on my body!" Grutt says, "I told you so" Ignoring Grutt I laugh at him, "and why did you think you'd be able to beat orcs, the strongest and most powerful race of them all? " He says that they were able to easily go through dragon's trap dungeon and get the reward. (I realize he's talking about the same dungeon we just went through) We look at him. He says they found a magic longsword just like Gorms. We ask him if he knows what it does. He laughs, of course we do, don't you? We glare at him. He then informs us that it's a +1 magic longsword that functions as a scrying ability so the gold dragon can see us whenever he wants. We shrug our shoulders and take the map and keep him tied up.

I build a fire next to his feet to keep him warm, and we all proceed to get hammered drunk. Periodically he says stuff like, Hey guys you said you'd let me free, can you move the fire back a little?, guys I.. uh want to leave now. Eventually I suggest that we use him for target practice. We walk back sixty feet from him with four javelins and proceed to see who can hit him. Grutt's throw is about twenty feet short, we all laugh at weak Grutt. Next up is Gorm who nails him with the javelin but we can see that he's still moving. Like the powerful warrior that I am I surely ended that half-orc by placing the javelin through his neck. The rest of the night is a drunken blur, I know we feasted on various parts of the half-orc and then passed out around the fire.

Eventually we wake up, hung over. Krunc and Grutt pick up the other two casks of ale and we make our week long trek to the adventure! Hopefully this time we'll get some magic items. The voyage is slow moving through the snow, once we finished off all the alcohol we began to move much faster. Idiot Grutt didn't bring any food and required Gorm to go hunting. Gorm was able to take down some game and well raw meat is much better than rations.

Eventually we arrive at this place.

We see far off two orcs guarding a gate. They seem relaxed when they see us and finally when we approach they realize that we are not from their tribe. "Excuse me, good sirs, why have you come upon our encampment, armed, surely you are a reconnaissance from an enemy tribe, declare your business or we shall be forced to end you" I glower at them. Krunc informs them that we are here on official business of Gruumsh and that if they know what's good for them they will allow us freedom to move about. They look at each other confused, Grutt is openly discussing with Gruumsh if it's okay if he kills them. Finally the guards agree they will take us to the Orc's leader.

Moving through several rooms, I feel that we missed half the dungeon crawl, probably because in this pre-written adventure we're not supposed to be orcs. Ahh, oh well. Eventually we are taken into a large room where a 12 foot ogre stands with his two huge dogs. He looks at us and in orc says, "who are you and why have you come" I glare back at him, "who are YOU and who is in charge of this ORC tribe?" "I am he who runs MY tribe", I laugh, the others of my companions join in with laughter. " I'm sorry, I didn't realize how sad this tribe was, to be led by a non-orc. I wonder what Gruumsh would say" I look at the two orc guards who led us here. "I know I would never be led around by a weakling ogre." He glowers at us and pulls out his large great axe. I raise my scythe and yell, "Gruumsh would never stand for a non-orc leader, KILL ALL ENEMIES OF GRUUMSH"

The four of us charge in, the two orcs gurads stand back unsure of what to do. I summon Jakob and place him behind the ogre so that he is flanked by Gorm. This battle is short, we make quick work of the two dogs, Grutt begins to fight in such a way that forces the ogre to hit him. [Iron Guards Glare] The first blow slams into Grutt's side, the force of which cleaves through his armor and breaks several ribs. He wavers but does not fall, screaming "Gruumsh will not fail me" However I noticed he switches his fighting style and made a weak swing that glanced off the ogre's massive frame. Krunc lands a solid blow into the creatures neck, but unfazed the ogre gurgles out, "Gruumsh is a weak god" With that next swing he lands his huge great axe into Grutt's head, dropping him to the floor like a bag of coins. I saw the blows and even I would not have been able to withstand such abuse. We look down to make sure he's not dead and see that his wounds are fast healing under Krunc's Shaman powers. It's just Grutt's head, nothing important there. Finally I slam my scythe into the huge beast and take him down. Grutt mumbles something in his unconsciousness… "Steely resolve" Then his eyes go wide and he stops breathing…..


	5. A side quest!

With the Ogre slain we did not notice immediately that Grutt was not standing up, quickly healing like he should have been. By the time we did notice Grutt was dead several minutes had gone by. We had looted the ogre's corpse, his treasure chest, eaten some of the oger'es choicer body parts, and ordered the guards to bring us whoever was in charge. To be quiet honest, I was very pleased that Grutt was dead. He had been a burden and a hindrance to our quest, I was a verrrry happy orc. I noticed what looked like a tear in Krunc's eyes.

An orc female walked into the room. We looked at her in confusion ( I must explain to some of you so called 'more cultured' races; in an orc tribe, females are useful for breeding with, cooking, and taking care of the offspring; they are never in a position of power). Krunc began to slick back his hair, Gruumsh only knows why.  
"So you are the ones who have defeated Orgoth, and now who among you will lead this tribe" she says to us. Before I can even begin to formulate my thought Krunc steps forward, "Thank you I am this tribes leader, let it be known that Krunc Dragon Shaman is now leading this tribe."

Now, I really didn't want this position. First of all this band of orcs allowed a non-orc to lead them. Something Gruumsh would frown heavily upon. Second, I asked the guards to bring us someone in charge, they brought us a female orc. I fear for this tribe, they are not following the ways of Gruumsh and have grown soft. This explains why the guards did not help in the attack on Orgoth the ogre. I suspect that Grutt would still be alive if the cowardly orc guards had aided us. I shall make an example of them. I notice that Krunc is pointing at Gorm, telling of his strength and exploits, I see the look in Gorm's eyes, another tribe that he can lead. Krunc fitting right in, already seeking power.

No. The easy chain of cause and effect runs through my head. We will never leave this place. Our lives as adventurers are over. Here in this **** hole I will never learn what I must in order to live for eternity. The green dragon Vaectorfinyairuxo had figured out the secrets to lichdom, I too want to live forever. If I want to live forever I must keep searching the world for lost tomes, I must keep adventuring. I must get Krunc and Gorm to leave. Yet I know they won't... I can lead them out of here but how? I look at Grutt's body, laying on the floor, blood just now beginning to solidify. I in a flash of brilliance realize that he who is Grutt was the glue who held us together in our revenge. If he were to return, surely we would venture away from this girly clan of, I dare say, orcs. In order for us to continue we would have to seek out powerful divine magic to reincarnate his body. I have heard of druids and clerics with the ability to return life to the dead. I had already begun to formulate my plan. I would demand that Gorm and Krunc in the name of Gruumsh, seek out a way to bring back to life Grutt, so that we may continue our adventure.

Speaking up I ask the girl orc shaman, "Do you know of any druids in the area." She looks slightly surprised, "Actually our scouts recently returned did say something about a druid twisting the forest and returning it to nature, why do you ask?" I glare at her, "Leave, and return with the male orc who is the strongest, I don't know how this clan was run by Orgoth, but in an _Orc _clan I will summon you when I need something cooked, or maybe if Gorm is in one of his moods" We all look at Gorm, who was in the process of reaching deeply down his pants and scratching something filthy. Quickly he took his hand out of his pants and tried to slick back his bald head, while grinning.

She departs with haste and eventually another orc strolls in. His name was Old Yarik apparently because of his age. He tells us about the peace allegiance they made with the Troglodytes. I glare at him in anger. "Where in the doctrine of Gruumsh does it talk about making peace with other races? This tribe has the mentality of elves, and by Gruumsh I will not allow it!" I ask if they at least have any prisoners.

A male human and a female gnome are brought before us. I smile at them and ask them if they have any skills useful to this tribe, that I allow them to live, I mean Krunc the leader... Krunc nods approvingly. Apparently they don't speak orc. "Why useful to clan, allow you to live" Krunc asks. The human is dumber than Grutt, he just keeps muttering about a half-orc that will return to save them. I laugh and ask them if he had a map that looked like this. (I show them the map we got from the half-orc we killed) The human doesn't figure it out, the gnome does. Apparently they were waiting for adventurers to save them, I will save them. For dinner.

Later in the dining hall, we announce that we are leaving. The scouts return from their week long hunt and are surprised at the news. I tell them that we will be leaving at once to find this druid who can restore life to Grutt, so that we may continue on our adventure to avenge our tribe and Gruumsh! Before we leave Krunc turns Grutt's body into rations. We all get a good laugh at the idea of Grutt eating himself later.

Apparently this wooded area is five days away. We press forth with haste jogging for many miles each day through the cold of the far north. There are five of us, Gorm, Krunc, myself, and two of the orc scouts. Most days we run without ever seeing another living soul. We talk about the weak state of the tribe, and what we can do to make sure they survive as orcs should, without us, when we leave. Our plan is to wage war against the troglodytes further in the cave and to bring one young aspiring warrior along with us, so that he may see what being an Orc really means.

We arrive in the woods and make are way deeper to find this druid. While I have no problem with druids they always have a problem with the undead. I'll hide my aspirations.

The woods themselves seem to lead us to him, he see's us before we see him. He is wearing the holy symbol of Malar, god of the hunt. He announces in common, "I have been expecting you". I walk forward unafraid of this cloaked figure. "We have traveled many leagues to seek you out, we are here to ask that you restore body and soul to Grutt, so that we may seek out our revenge against the dracholich who has betrayed us." He has a look on his face, (which Gorm tells me later was a look of shock, as if he would never expect orcs to ask such a thing) ignoring the look I say "But you already knew that because you were expecting us"

He smiles, "actually this is perfect, I will do this favor for you, in return I need you to slaughter some pesky elves that have taken residence in my woods, you see I am trying to restore the natural order here, that nature may return to the way it once was, the way it's suppose to be. Other druids in the region are opposing me, however they do not realize I am here. This is why I ask you to attack these elves, so that when there bodies are found, they will be taken for a mere orc raiding party. If I were to do it myself, others would see that the bodies were attacked by animal, I would give myself away" Krunc , grinning "You had me at elves" We all agree, we are off, to kill elves!

The druid has two wolves lead us to where they are, on the way there we discuss the point system for killing elves. They leave us alone in the woods after two miles. I tell one of the two orc scouts to scout forward. He gets about twenty feet whenn suddenly one of the trees attacks slashing into the scout. Elves start appearing from behind trees seemingly ready for our attack.

Gorm runs in wildly swinging his long sword at an elf who easily parries his wild swing. I chuck a javelin at the tree and watch as it harmlessly passes through the mostly leaves and branches; normal weapons won't work. The orc scout begins to engage it with his flail when two arrows slam into his back; he crumples to the ground. I yell out to Krunc that we need VIGOR!! Then to the orc scout I tell him to slay the elf with the bow. Krunc charges in screaming "Vigor" and stumbles forward clumsily swinging his great axe hitting nothing but air. I notice the tree begins to do something odd with its branches (I found out later it put Gorm to sleep) I charged in and begin to wrestle with the tree, channeling negative energy into it the leaves and branches begin to fall and it begins to moan. At this point Gorm is getting wailed into, he somehow was on the ground and two elves are standing above him wailing on him with weapons. Standing up ignoring their repeated attacks a look of pure insanity passes over his eyes. He begins to scream, froth and saliva spittle forth from his mouth.

Meanwhile the orc scout I had sent to kill the archer didn't even make it half way before two arrows found themselves buried into his body. The tree is busy scratching me, but I can barely feel it, I have figured out how to alter my body so that it behaves more like an undead creature. Gorm cleaves through the elf and takes a five foot step over towards me. I'm wrestling with the tree still when he chops through the very base with one swing. (Guess it can be hurt by weapons)

The tree dead, I hear Krunc calling for help, pulling out my scythe I leap over a dead elf and I swing my scythe as hard as I could at the elf. Unbelievable I miss, the elf stands tall about to swing at me with his sword when the top half of his body slides backwards followed moments later by his bottom half falling forward. (New record 46 points of damage) I smile at Krunc, "1 point for me, 0 for Krunc

Krunc angrily charges past Gorm who has in his screaming rage cleaved another elf, cleanly removing his head from his body. I watch in pride as Krunc slams his great axe into the archer ending him. We high-five each other and wait for Gorm to calm down. Man he looks messed up, luckily his wounds heal and eventually the orc scouts stand up as well.  
We begin to eat our respective kills when the druid shows up.

"I will uphold my end of the bargain since I feel that I may have future use for you, do you have what I need to cast the spell"  
"Um.. what?  
"You didn't bring his body?  
"No, why would we need his body?  
At this point even I can tell he looks mad.  
"Well looks like you orcs are out of luck, in order to cast the spell I need at least some part of his body. There probably isn't enough time to go back and get it either, tough luck to you chaps"

He begins to walk away. I look down defeated, no it wasn't supposed to happen this way. Gorm is gripping his longsword in a way that will probably kill us all, he's about to attack the druid. Maybe it's for the better. One of the scouts pulls out his rations and begins to eat as one of you might pull out a tub of popcorn to watch a movie, we of course would not allow them to dine on elves since you get to eat only what you kill. It's then I remember, we have the salted rations made from the remains of Grutt.

"Wait We have what you need!" I pull out a hunk of meat, salted and wrapped. He looks down at it and asks me if I'm sure that this was from Grutt. If he reincarnates a deer he tells us that we will never leave this forest alive.  
"By Gruumsh … and Malar I swear this to be Grutt Rations that we prepared so that he may have food when he comes back!"

"He glares at me, very well then" and he begins to cast the spell

We watch for ten minutes as he chants out to Malar, rubbing ointments and occasionally pouring oils over it. After ten minutes he rest.

We look around waiting expectantly, nothing happens. "Where is he" Krunc demands. The druid looks annoyed, the spell takes time just wait, don't worry I won't leave until he gets here. I have never actually casted this spell before and I'd like to see what happens.

An hour passes, we pass the time eating elf and telling jokes. Finally a brilliant white light appears, we stare in awe as the light slowly fades. It takes a while for us to see again, as our vision is not accustomed to such bright lights but when we do we see sleeping in the snow, a naked female Halfling. We keep talking and eating, "the druid summoned us a snack while we wait, that was very thoughtful" I say

Then we notice the druid smiling and beginning to leave. Gorm puts down his elf casserole he made using the elf skulls as a makeshift bowl and stands up.

"Tree man you messed up!" he screams in common.

I look back at the Halfling in confusion then at Gorm. Did he figure out something that I'm missing?

The Halfling wakes up. I ask aloud "where's Grutt?"

The druid says, "I have finished my purpose here, I wish you great orcs nothing but the best."

The Halfling standing at 2'8'' looks around…. and says in orcish, "I don't want to play anymore"

"Where's Grutt" I say again, still not getting it.


	6. Equipping Grutt

With the druid gone I looked upon the small female halfling. Lucky my stomach was full otherwise Grutt's return would have been very short lived.

"who did the druid bring back to life" I ask Gorm. Gorm shakes his head and tells me "That _is _Grutt"  
We all look at Grutt who speaks, "What's wrong guys" in perfect orcish. I begin to laugh.

"Grutt, you're looking a little... cold" I say.

He asks us why we're so tall now and why it's so dark out. Poor Grutt, I'll let him figure it out for himself. But man, how are we going to travel around with a halfling i think to myself. We have nothing to equip her with. I begin to ponder our choices when I realize that we have an easy way to walk into and out of the human cities buying and selling what we need to get our revenge. Surely this is a blessing in disguise from Gruumsh!

I tell Grutt that we're going to hook him up with some cool weapons. Weapons? he says. Yeah, you remember we have to avenge Gruumsh right? He looks confused, "Who's Gruumsh?" he asks. We all look around nervously. Krunc says, "Don't worry about it buddy you'll remember" I tell Grutt he should ride in my backpack surrounded by the winter blanket I have.

The dumb scout asks aloud why we aren't eating the halfling. I glare at him, he's holding a knife and fork in his hands looking to feast. Krunc bellows outloud, "What kind of self respecting orc uses silverwear you are a disgrace!" Man what is wrong with this tribe of orcs. Who uses silverwear?! I stroll up and hit him across the face. "The halfling is an orc, I don't get it either so shut up and stop asking questions" This shuts him up. Good.

I find out for the first time that the two scouts with us are named Wark and Thark. "Thark I say, where is the closest human settlement, we will travel their immediately and use this gold we have no need for to buy weapons and armor fitted for a smaller creature.

"There are two settlements actually, the closest one is called Heliogabalis, it's about two days travel from here only slightly out of our way back to the tribe." He begins to blather on about the political structure of the city. He mentions something about a 'seat' that someone sits on. Krunc says loudly, "How big is this seat! Does a Giant live in the city?!" Thark looks at us funny. Wark is still looking confused at the halfling.

I outline my plan, we'll send Grutt in with a note. On the note will be a list of things he needs to buy. Grutt you will not talk that much okay? "I only speak Orc" He tells me. I slap my head, damn't you're just as stupid as you used to be. "Okay I'll teach you some words in common, like "blacksmith and Tailor" " Let's move out I tell the other orcs.

We begin to move through the snow, it's night and it's not that bad of a trip. I'm feeling stronger than I have ever felt in my life. Suddenly my tranquil mind is interrupted by Grutt's feminine voice, "Zuk, Zuk Did you say something? Gorm is that you? What's going on, who's what's, what voice is inside my head?!" We all stop, I'm immediately annoyed. He's just messing with me I know it! "Snow Angel!!!" i bellow before I just back plant myself into the snow and moving my arms around. That shut her up.

We rest the first night; we feed grutt's rations to Grutt. We tell him that he's eating his own body. With her mouth full she says, that's disgusting, and keeps eating. We make Wark keep watch all night by himself and we go to sleep. Once the sun sets we wake up. Krunc hunts us some grub and we move out. We get to the city many hours before the sun rises.

Okay Grutt, I say, You will go in and buy some clothes so you're not naked. Krunc clears his throat... I ignore him and continue, "Grutt you need clothes so you don't draw notice to yourself so you need to go buy some clothes. Can you say Tailor?" Gorm leans in and mentions that I'm suggesting that Grutt travel into the city naked and _then _buy clothes. Hmm... he has a point. We need to find him some clothes.

Oh.. Wait. Okay new plan I say. We'll wait out on this road for a caravan, attack them, clothe Grutt. Then send him into the city with a note of things to buy.

It's flawless, how much money do we have? We pool our money together and find that it's really not that much. I cast detect magic on our all stuff to see if there is anything magical we can sell. I come up with a large rapier that radiates magic and a potion. We don't need a rapier sized for an ogre. We can sell that for better equipment.

Okay Grutt you have to sell this, I'll give you a note. Remember Just ask for "blacksmight and Tailor".

Grutt replies "Blacksmithandtailor"

I realize that this is not ever, ever going to work. Grutt is just too stupid.

Suddenly we're interrupted by a caravan passing through. Hastily we charge in to attack. There are several humans armed with longswords, a dwarf is riding shotgun and it's being led by a light horse. Perfect. We charge screaming through the morning light. The battle was pure magnificence.

I quickly summoned Jakob to prevent the dwarf from taking off on the horse. The dwarf still tride to spur the horse to flee but myself and Krunc charged the small horse (I made sure to scream in dwarvish "FOOOOD") and with two chops slayed the horse.

Krunc was just slicing through the humans like a club through a babies skulls. They eventually tride to flee. I tried yelling out in dwarven that it was okay and he wasn't going to be hurt. Maybe it was the javelin that hit him seconds after I said that but he didn't stop running. I heard Krunc bellow out his pre-charge bellow before attempting to jump over the horse... And failing. How clumsy he looked as he ate snow and gravel. Eventually Krunc diced through everyone. I hope the gold dragon was watching this fight through his sword. Man, pure magnificence.

Well we were able to drag everything off the road and hide it out of sight. We went through everything and found four more potions. Everything else was trinkets or something. Bottles filled with strange liquids. I found paper and ink. I began to write out a list of things for Grutt to do when he reminds me that he can't read either. "Grutt I'm teaching you how to speak Common and read and write, you can't be our diplomat if you can't talk to anyone And you can't read and right. You're just going to have to act like your smart and pretend you care about other people. Trust me Gruumsh wants us to kill everyone but we can't do it unless we can trick everyone into doing what we want, THEN bashing in their skulls. Since you look like a halfling you're our diplomat now and I'll have to teach you what to do otherwise you'll screw it up. But We don't have time now for that. How can we make this work i wonder aloud.

The six of us puts our massive intellects together. Finally Krunc announces that he will disguise himself as a half-orc using the clothing of the fallen humans. Then he will sneak into the city with the halfling and complete all our transactions. We take hours meticulously making sure that the disguise is perfect. We give Krunc every gold piece we have and they leave.

While they leave I rummage through the caravan, I can't find anything of interest. Krunc turns all the humans and the horse into rations. Then we wait.. and wait... I have to beat up Wark a couple of times for being annoying. He still doesn't understand why we don't eat the halfling. I can't believe that anyone is as dumb as wark. Well their _is_ grutt.

Eventually they came back. The 'special orders' Krunc put in were going to take some time. We waited the couple of days and finally Krunc went back to get everything. He loaded up on stuff and bought a bunch of things that apparently we needed. He came back with a new masterwork great axe for himself, a couple of tents some more clothing. Then he gave Grutt a masterwork chain shirt, a small masterwork battle axe, and a pink glittery towershield with a depiction of a unicorn. Grutt was confused at first and angry. Very angry. Gorm and I were doing our best to hold back our laughter.

Krunc quickly proclaimed that they don't make great axes for small people, and the shield was really cheap, man look how strong that horse is! It has a sword on it's head!. Grutt eagerly bought up these lies. Awesome even my horse has a sword!

Krunc then merrily tells us the tale about how he bluffed his way into the city, but that it was all almost ruined by Grutt. He had to tell the guards that Grutt was mute, which they bought. Everything was going great when right before they were in the Guard asked them where they were going. Krunc told us that in his hesitation to answer Grutt suddenly annouced, "Blacksmithandtailor" in common. Man Grutt really is dumb, but at least he's alive in heavy winter clothing and masterworked up right?

Eventually we left and made our way back to the orc tribe. There are some troglodytes we have to deal with... (and that wussy tribe that we have to toughen up)


	7. Finally back to the Adventure!

Old Yarik greets us as we approach from our long detour to reincarnate Grutt. He immediately tells us that he has bad news for us. Krunc glares at him; bad news? I stare at Old Yarik and say "You better have some good news for us, why don't you just tell us the opposite of what you were going to tell us."  
Old Yarik looks confused then begins to speak, "Um.. We sent.. We did not sent sentries into the surrounding forest; and they weren't attacked by uh.. a dragon that was not with a bunch of wizards…uh; there are no dragons further in the cave"  
Oh man thank god, the last thing we need to deal with are dragons. Krunc says, "Well that is good news, so there is a dragon further in the cave" Old Yarik looks down at Grutt and looks further confused suddenly he smiles and says "You brought us a Halfling to eat?" -- Grutt starts growling at him. I slap Old Yarik and say "hey you treat Grutt with some respect he's an orc in a Halflings body and he'll er.. she'll tear you apart. " Old Yarik starts laughing and says that there is no way that a girl Halfling will beat him in a fair fight. He points at Grutt and says "I challenge you to a duel"  
A duel!? Fair Fight?! Krunc and I look at each other and slap our hands across our faces. Grutt says loudly "You challenge me to a duel!? HAHAHAHAHA" He pulls out his battle Axe and charges at Old Yarik roaring in orcish I shall teach you a lesson from Gruumsh. Old Yarik pulls out a hand axe. (Which brings more groans from Krunc, Gorm; apparently he got these hand axes from elves……)

The battle takes almost a minute and a half by the time Grutt's small Halfling body stands unscathed on top of the strongest warrior in the tribe everyone is there. Silence fills the cavern. I announce to everyone that this Halfling was once a great orc warrior and died gloriously in battle unlike many of you pitiful orcs. Gruumsh has sent him back to us in this form to humiliate you and show you that you have fallen far from his grace. Some orc from the crowd yells back, "Why would Gruumsh send him back as a Halfling" I roar back "ASK GRUTT"

Grutt stands as tall as his 2'8'' frame will allow, "Because I was too powerful, as an orc I was the most terrifying in the entire north" By the time Grutt is done with his speech the entire tribe is chanting Grutt's name.

Meanwhile Old Yarik is healed by Krunc's healing aura. Humiliated from his defeat. I ask him for more information about the dragon. "He glares around and says, yeah the dragon I.." I interrupt him by boldly announcing "Dragons have magical Items! Let's go!" Old Yarik shrugs and leads us deeper into the cave. Apparently this used to be an old Dwarves fort, you can tell by all the ****** dwarf architecture. We bring Thark with us. We need to teach someone how to lead a tribe in our absence; the tribe in its current state is pitiful. Finally we arrive at a descending stairway; Grutt's everburning torch glows eerily casting weird shadows down the stairway. We descend into the unknown to find dragons.

While we are descending the stairs the sound of buzzing continuously grows louder until suddenly 8 large mosquitoes assault the party. They are about the size of an orc shotput and it is very fun smacking them out of the air. Gorm is especially adept at it. Unfortunately two of them latch onto Gorm and he starts screaming in pain. Not knowing what to do he tries to pull them off but weirdly he's not strong enough. Finally we all start just beating them off him with our weapons, I charnel touch them until they are all dead. What were those things? Gorm looks a little pale and by the looks of it they had drained a large quantity of his blood. He tells us he's taking waaay more con damage in the past and that we're good to go. Once again I'm very happy to not lose any constitution.

Hopping over a large stream we come to two tunnels, we pick the tunnel to the north. The huge tunnel opens up into a natural cavern of sorts. It appears to be a dwarven burial ground. Sarcophagus's line an elevated portion of the cave. There is some weird glowing fungus lining the walls. I am sure that the Dwarves have magical items. We all run up to the top and see about 20 of them. I run to one that looks like it's especially loaded with magical items. Inscriptions catch my eye, it's written in dwarven which I can read thanks to the Green Dragon who made me learn dwarven for some reason. Roughly translated it says "A curse of unimaginable doom to any who opens the tombs" Hmm… a curse of unimaginable doom.. I can't.. even imagine what that would be like. I take a couple of steps back silently and let everyone else open the tombs. They all dive in; only three of the sarcophagus have anything in them. We find some crappy dwarf armor and a dwarven warhammer. Casting detect magic reveals not a thing in this entire chamber. What the heck! Gorm in his rage throws the warhammer as far as he can down the tunnel.

Backtracking we go to the other tunnel we saw. This leads us into a larger cavern as well, unfortunately this cavern smells like the worst kind of feces, sweat, and oil. Suddenly through the darkness troglodytes stand forward and throw javelins at Gorm. We all let loose the might roar of the Orc charging forward into the darkness. One of them is dropped by my scythe looping off large portions of his upper torso. The last one starts running towards a cage set into the natural wall, his end is met by a well placed dragon sword through his back. After retching a couple of times due to their disgusting smell I search his body and find a single key. We look through the cage and see a bear staring back at us. Hmm.. I say that the bear must be guarding magical items; why else would the troglodytes have a bear way up here in the north. Let's open the cage kill the bear and get all the magical items.

Krunc tells me that this is a brown bear. Smart Krunc using his knowledge Nature. I would never have been able to discern such facts from mere appearances. I unlock the cage and we all charge forward to do battle. Thark's blade is batted away by the bear but he is unable to dodge anyone else's blades. We land solid blows into the bear. Roaring the bear lunges at Krunc. A huge swat of his paw knocks Krunc across the face. Suddenly the bear leaps on top of Krunc; Krunc desperately trying to escape the grapple with the bear. ****! A sense of déjà vu overcomes me and I remember that when we're fighting stronger opponents than us that I have to weaken them. I aim my ray of enfeeblement straight at the bears buttocks (-7 strength) The bear shivers after the spell and Krunc is able to lift up the massive bear paw and escape from the grapple. Meanwhile everyone is just landing blow after blow. The bear is roaring loudly and this time just lays into Krunc; poor Krunc gets pummeled with both claws and goes down after the bear bites into his face. No! I yell not Krunc! I leap up as high as possible bringing the scythe down straight through the bear's back into his lungs slaying him as I do most things, run up and hope that my charnel touch can bring my friend back from the brink. Slowly his face heals and eventually he stands up. He smiles.

"Krunc you owe me a magical Item I saved you life twice today" I let him know, hopefully he's not smart enough to do the math. We all start rummaging through the cavern and not even a rock can be found. Why did the troglodytes have a bear if not to guard their magical items?

Bummed out we start looking around the cavern, there are several other paths that lead away from here. We look into one of them and it is covered in disgusting mold. We are about to simply leave that room alone when all of us notice a gleaming sword which apparently reeks of "I am magic come get me please". Not to be fooled by the DM I summon Jakob to drag the corpse out. Mold from all corners of the room begins to shoot puffs of crap at Jakob but as most undead creatures he could care less. We run away as he drags out the skeleton. Finally he disappears and the corpse is left there on the ground. The skeleton is grasping a long sword but is still covered in mold. Gorm says that he will burn it off, he stands ten feet away from the corpse and throws a bottle filled with alchemist fire. Apparently he needed to stand eleven feet away. Mold shoots out in a ten foot radius, Gorm screams echoing down the cavern and hits the ground. We wait for the mold to settle and for Gorm to stand up… What kind of devil mold is this? Gorm is dead. We all look around wondering how it's possible that mold was able to kill the might Gorm. I cast detect magic on the gleaming bastard sword and detect that it IS magic. But at what cost. There must be a better way to get magical items.

Krunc points to a passageway that we can see sunlight out of. "Let's go get the druid, maybe he will make us kill more elves!" We all nod that this is a great idea and we begin to leave. Suddenly I say "Wait! We need his body" We remove all of his gear and cut off a body part and begin our journey.

The druid (who's name is Mathias) is surprised to see us again so soon. I smile and politely say "Good friend, we have returned as we seem to need uh.. your aid again; do you have any more elves to kill?" He glares at us and finally he speaks "I do not have any need of you at this time, however I feel that I may have need of you in the future, I will bring your friend back for 1,000 gp and the promise of your help in the future" As much as I'd like to tell this tree hugger to go hump something, we really have no need for all this coin we're carrying, and we'll probably be back in a couple of days anyway. "Oh that sounds like a deal, as long as well.. Can you ask Malar to bring Gorm back as well not as a Halfling? Please? Halflings can't fight very well and we kinda need Gorm" Malar promises me that Gorm will not be brought back as a Halfling. Krunc brings out a huge back filled with thousands of copper and silver pieces that we have been lugging around. Malar looks slightly annoyed at first but finally shrugs takes the body part and begins to cast his spells. Eventually the spell ends and we must wait for a while. I try to strike up a conversation with Mathias you know, 'human talk' but he ignores me mostly.

Suddenly a glaring white light appears, and suddenly standing in the snow is a hyena looking creature. Knowledge Local check informs me that Gorm has been placed in the body of a Gnoll. (+4 Strength, +2 Con +1 Natural Armor Class) Gorm looks around and says "I died?"

Malar promises us that he will have need of us in the future and that he will hunt us down and kill us if we betray him. I promise him that we'll be back in a couple of days to reincarnate me; why would we betray him? We take off. Luckily all of Gorm's equipment fits his new body. He tells us that it is even better than the orc body he was in. I tell him that he will never again speak of such blasphemy! The all orc campaign continues! (er… right)

So now we have two magical items, a magical bastard sword and a magical long sword. We give the bastard sword to Gorm and the long sword to Thark. We notice a couple more passageways off this cavern and we pick one at random. It eventually leads into a huge cavern so large that we can't even see across it. We wander around in the darkness until finally we spot a door. Charging it we all begin to try to bust it down; after thirty minutes we give up. It's solid iron. I try to use the handle but it's locked, suddenly I hear Gorm yell out quickly in orcish "Arm yourselves we are under attack by alien looking freakish… things!"

Behind us are two disgusting looking snakes with heads that have multiple tentacles. Attacking it Krunc and myself are barely able to pierce it's tough armor, however Gorm and Thark easily slice through it with their magical items eventually we destroy them both. I need a magical weapon that I know how to use. I announce that we have to find the key to this door.

Krunc points out a passageway that leads out of this cavern and we follow it. The sound of water rushing is heard and we walk into a cavern with a river and a waterfall. We notice stairs and we use those instead of taking the waterfall. The stairs take us down into another open cavern at the base of the waterfall. We notice two doors and as the campaign name would suggest we immediately charge into them doing our best to kick them down in one kick.

Both doors sail open, it was hilarious watching Grutt try to kick open the door. I feel bad that he's trapped in such a body. Actually I don't really feel that bad. Apparently these rooms were used in decades ago as a storage room; almost everything is moldy or covered in mold. I decide that I've had enough mold for a lifetime. Krunc screams in pain as something begins to attack him, it looks like a puddle of some sort and it's touch utterly destroys krunc's armor and clothing he stumbles away screaming and burning with acid. We waste no time in firing arrow and throwing javelins at the puddle until the small moving pile of ooze sinks into the floor and stops moving. There is absolutely nothing in this room of value. I look up and mumble silently to Gruumsh that we could use a little help in getting revenge.


End file.
